Sep 9, 2014

New Ocicat Merchandise!

Category: Captain's Logs
Posted by: weedles
Hi, beautiful Ocicat adoring fans. if you want “attempt” to become as pretty as your kitty queen, which you will never be as beautiful as, you can buy the all new Ocicat Mascara Kit for 20.99 plus shipping and pawling (handling). Or you can buy the 33% off “Beautiful Ocicat Combo” for just 42.00$ that includes (the Ocicat Strut Kit, the Ocicat Mascara Kit, and the Ocicat Flagpole Kit) remember only 42.00$ and you can “attempt" to look as good as your amazing, agile, beautiful, not-condescending Ocicat queen”. So order now or call (566-IAM-OCICAT).--(of course the kit can't beat my own which is completely natural)(Oh, and if the mascara is near contact with the eyes, consult a doctor before major symptoms such as liver disease, alzheimers, kitty hatred, hair loss, and sudden thoughts of fainting begin to occur). Or you can buy the 33% off “Beautiful Ocicat Combo” for just 49.99$ that includes (the Ocicat Strut Kit, the Ocicat Mascara Kit, and the Ocicat Flagpole Kit) remember only 49.99$ and you can “attempt" to look as good as your amazing, agile, beautiful, not-condescending Ocicat queen”. So order now or call (566-IAM-OCICAT).  If the Ocicat Strut Kit is in contact with skin, remove before major burns begin to occur.

Why all the negatives with the products you ask?  Two reasons.  One, I was watching human television and figured out that all the major brands have a lot of things wrong with them.  Two, I couldn't afford to go natural--and speakng of that, you may want to watch out for unexpected glass or metal shards in the Ocicat Mascara Kit--and remember my slogan: You can never get be-e-tter than your-or Ocicat!

FAQ:

I want to get the combo because I want to be like you, amazing, stunning, magnificent, inspiring, loveable, wonderful, Ocicat, but I don't have the money.  What do I do?

Now now, we all know that money doesn't grow on trees!  So with this also all new Ocicat payment plan, Ocee Pay, you can have it at your house by tommorow!  The payment plan is only quadruple the price of the combo itself, stretched out over six months!

The mascara looks awesome on me, but now ulcers are starting to appear on my eyes.  How do I get rid of them?

Oh, do not fret!  I forgot to mention that side effect.  In fact I didn't even know about it...so I can't really help you there.  So uh...you might want to like...see a doctor...or something............................next question?

What is the flagpole kit???

Oh, that is a 1-34 ft metal pole depending on the size you order that you attach to your back to immitate a tail.  It immediately enhances your beauty, as well as your back pains!  Hey that sounds good, maybe I should make that the slogan for my flagpole kit...Anyway, it costs only 5.99$, it is completely recycled material and you can have it at your house in only four days!  Oh and the applying part, nails or superglue will work fantastically.

I love your brand, but I have everything, and totally want more!

Simple solution, order more!  But if that isn't a satifying answer, just wait, I'm working on a topsecret Ocicat Spot n' Speckle kit that will be out soon.

So now that the frequently asked questions are over, I might want to tell some of you--the mascara can apparently cause ulcers...

-Ocee (your beloved Ocicat)

PS: and remember: You can never get be-e-tter than your-or ocicat!