Jun 1, 2014

Itteh Bitteh Fearless Kitteh Committeh

Category: Captain's Logs
Posted by: weedles
The first problem (Which is really, really bad, but not as bad as the second problem).  Do they have food?  They have to food, don't they.  That's the only thing that will make a kitty do that--or is it a certain pet they have--that's the second only thing that can make a cat do that.  Well, if it's food, back off.  Our pet's aquaintances have no interest in showing any kindness to the starving, begging, helpless kitty population that rome the Earth.  And another peice of advice:  They don't like it when you run away from them, so if you want food later, you will have to endure torture.  They also don't like it when you sratch them.  Finally, they don't like it when you make them paranoid.  So, back off now, because if it is food that the neighbor has, delicious, mouthwatering food...in a box/can that they only can magically open, then you're out of luck.  Because they're probably giving it to Fido.

The second problem: Fido.  Fido.  Fido.  It's a horrible name...it's a dog name.  It's a DOG name.  So here's the thing.  Dog's are stupid.  All they are is nuisances to us cat's.  For example they pee on our territory--who do they think they are anyway?!  So while Fido is pinned up outside on a leash, jumping and pouncing around, we watch.  We are superior.  We can also learn to not be absolutely terrified when a dog comes over though.  All of us should know this, but some kitties need extra help.  So, here's your lesson:(You can pay me for it if you want) We are better than dogs! (Oh, and if you want to pay me, about...1...no, 2 cat food cans would really hit the spot about now).  So that's your lesson.  If we are better, than we have no reason to be afraid!  Of course, you guys might not have needed that lesson,because you look pretty smart already, eyeing down Fido.  So, we all know that we're better than dogs.  And that we hate each other, and that while they are absolutely stupid and they need a good scratch or two in the face, they can't help being born stupid.  So, I hope I helped one of the kitties in the massive kitty community by this post!

-Shtankadoodle, 

Your Furball Friend

Update: !!!! Shucks, I didn't get my 2 cans of kitty cat food!